Confessions of a Adoptee-The Beginning

One of the hardest things about being adopted is that the pain can sometimes last forever.

This is MY journey, so please don’t judge my adoption experience. This is also what I know to the best of my knowledge. Both my birth parents are also adopted so there will be a lot of missing pieces.

I was adopted to my birth mothers Aunt. Since I was a baby my great Aunt would look after me every now and again. It started as day visits, then overnight to every weekend.

When I was 5, about to start school my mum decided to leave me with my great aunt. Still unsure why or where she went. I started my life with my aunt.

It seemed to be a normal life, well for me anyway. I started to noticed that no one else lived with their aunt though. All my class mates had a mum and dad at home, brothers and sisters but all I had was me. Their parents where also older. My mum was barely a adult. Kids would share stories at school about their family holidays, even bring photos. I just wished I could talk to my parents.

I’d ask almost every day why my mum and dad left me. Why they didn’t come see me. Why they didn’t want to be apart of my life. What did I do wrong. Would I ever see them again. Did they even love me…. So many questions running through a little child’s mind. Wondering if I’ll ever get the answer I’m looking or hoping for.

I would call my aunt “nan” I’m unsure if I started saying this on my own or she gave herself that name. Saying I lived with my nan was still weird to other kids but not as much as saying my great aunt.

My aunts house was always full. She had her son, daughter, her sisters daughter and other family or friends staying, even with a full house I’d still feel alone.

For most school events like cross country, assembly, sports etc my aunt and uncle were working so couldn’t make it but some kids had their whole family there. I’m not gonna lie I was very jealous of those kids. I understand better now they had to work but as a child I honestly thought they didn’t care.

I don’t remember a lot of my primary school years or maybe I chose not to. With bullying, not having any friends and not having a mum or dad at home. There didn’t seem to be one thing going well.

I remember one day very clear though, my Aunty (my mums sister) came to pick me up before school had finished. She said my mum was in town and is going to come get me. Even though I wanted to be with my mum this was unusual so I felt scared and worried. My aunt took me to my adopted mother’s work where I waited till she’d finished work. I don’t remember if I saw her but I believe after this day my adopted mother started the process to get full custody of me.

To be continued……

Xo K

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